Tuesday, June 28, 2005

It is like going to the Dentist

If you have not read previous posts, I am attening Law School in Houston in the fall. I very much wish that this juncture will come soon, but alas I am stuck in the purgatory of corporate hell! When I tell people of my problems every response tends to be the same. "Aw enjoy your last month of freedom, enjoy not studying." Freedom? You call this freedom? You call getting up, putting on a suit to sit at a TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EFFING HALL! FREEDOM?" No sir, No sir it is not. Now, for you realists out there thinking "well that is what the real world is like" y'all can stick it. The real world is not the life of an intern. The suit, the early mornings are all part of life as a lawyer, and I have no problem with such commitment; however, when I am dragged to the office to sit in the middle of the hall and given no work but to sit there and pretend to look busy as not to be judged by other miserable souls I get a little peturbed.

Blood, Bleeding, and Envy

Yesterday at the office M.D. Anderson was conducting a blood drive. Upon arriving to work at 8:13 I realized that this was a fantastic event! I mean how could M.D. Anderson know that I would be bored all day, and that giving blood would take up a solid 30 minutes of my otherwise unproductive mundane day? Give the gift of Life? Your damn straight they have given me a reason to live one more day!

So I retreat to my table and devise a way to get the maximum time out of giving blood. I scheme and I scheme and come to the conclusion that 3:30 would be the best time to give blood as to make my day go by quicker. I would describe this process to you, but it was complicated and time consuming, so just know 3:30 from now on is the best time to give blood. So I walk in this chilly room with people I know arent doctors wearing scrubs extracting fluid from people. At this I am not detured, I am actually hopeful that they do jack up and I get to take a day off work to replinish red blood cells. I go through the questionaire that I always find humours. "Have you had sex with somebody from Africa?" "Have you been to Africa" WHAT?! You mean to tell me that going to a continent is just as dangerous as having sex with an individual from that place? WOW that is serious! What is the next question going to be. Have you ever talked to a person from Africa? Have you ever looked at a person from Africa? Have you ever watched the Discovery Channel and SEEN a person from Africa? (Yes, I realize Africa has an AIDS problem and I have sympothay to the cause, so please don't make a comment saying that I am an ignorant a**hole)

In any event, I have not had sex with or have gone to Africa. So I was in. I had made the cut!
They strap me down to a chair and I roll up my sleeve. Soon after I was underway, exchanging a pint of my bodily fluid to escape 30 minutes of work. I looked to my right and I saw a women finishing up her donation. Once she got got up, she quickly fainted back down in the chair. Of course I was concerned for her health and that she was ok which she was, but I was also concerned that these doc wanna be's didn't trip over my bag and spray blood all over the place. Then I went green with envy. People were rushing over with blankets, apple juice, sprite, orange juice, and chocolate chip cookes to her chair side. Chocolate Chip cookies! A gift from the gods! She said she only needed a moment, but began to compile the tasty prizes. My blood bag was getting full, and they took out the needle, wrapped me up, and told me I could go. I got up quickly as to also induce passing out, but I had never felt better. I went back to my table hoping i may feel woosey and that there was a delay in the feeling. There wasen't. I walked back to the room an hour later to check on women, and she was just getting up and walking to the door. It was 4:45pm. She killed an hour and 15 minutes with that little stunt.

I was jealous, and I went home at 4:58 that day to show them that I was mad

Are you kidding me??? Seriously you are like 80

So, recently I have been booted out of a nice comfy office with a door and a cush chair to a huge work table in the middle of the hall. I guess this is to show everyone that I am an employee of the bank. After about an hour of getting myself situated, and by that I mean looking at every possible angle as to not have people look at my computer screen, I hear something. It sounds like music, but what kind of music? Music? At a stuffy bank? This cannot be true? So i listen more closely. Something something something "Don't Mess with my Heart". The Black Eyed Peas? Not my first choice of music, but will take it over the constant drone of the fax machine right next to my head! OR so I thought. I then began to daydream about being a pirate and firing a cannon when i hear that same sound. Something Something Something "Don't Mess with my Heart" I think wow weird. a radio station playing the same song twice in a row. It must be a mistake. Ladies and Gentlemen this was no mistake. This was a CD on repeat playing that DAMN SONG just in my hearing range for 4 straight hours. 4 hellish hours!!!! Anger swelled, my collar got tighter, my veins began to poke out. Then right before I passed out I saw an 80 year old women dancing like it was a disco come out of her office.

And that was the last thing I remembered.

The first of many Internship posts

I do apologize in advance for the myriad amounts of internship posts. It is not my fault that this internship may be the most boring on the planet and that they pay me to sit here and blog.

My schedule:

6:45am awake and greet the day with a smile a cup of coffee knowing that this will be the only productive thing I accomplish all day.

7:30am After eating breakfast consisting of Honey Bunches of Oats and Peanut Butter head out the door having acutally accomplished tying a tie ( I will take this time to correct my previous statement...Tying a Tie is the most productive thing I accomplsih all day)

8:13am Arrive at work (Im supposed to get there at 8am, but no one notices because they don't even know I work there)

8:15am Check office email, which I actually have because my mother works for the same bank...Sweet Mom. and check my other mailbox where I attempt to respond in witty and clever ways.

9am Attempt to drum up some work which is met by stares of "Do you even work here?"

10am Return to my desk after making the rounds. Having another cup of coffee and using the restroom for the daily morning ritual.

10:20 Check if BuffaloWings and Vodka http://wingsandvodka.blogs.com/ has created a new post yet.

11:00 Start to think about lunch and email with my friends who also have meaningless internships. Some have good ones though and I get mad when they don't use email like IM

12:30 Sneak out the door for lunch and meet my dad in park for lunch. I sneak out because you can have more than an hour if they don't know exactally when you leave.

1:37pm Arrive back at work and realize that sneaking is not nessasary. One time they called security to see if I even worked there.

2:30 Go on the internet to find fun flash games. I have many sites that will be posted soon

3:30 contemplate suicide and fling myself against the windows to find out much to my dissapointment everyday that they have NOT been replaced with breakaway glass and are still plexiglass

4:00pm Start playful banter with my parents on email about who will be home last. I know gosh darn well i wont be last, but i play as though i may actually come in behind everyone else

4:50 Stare at the blips of the time clock waiting for the magic number of 5:00 to appear.

4:59pm Get frustrated and leave anyway.

5:10pm Strip off all articles of "grown up" clothes drive with my windows down listining to Magic Carpet Ride or Stevie Ray Vaughn greatest hits.

6:00pm Watch Law and Order for 3 straight hours on TNT untill I fall asleep


Introductions are in Order

For all intensive purposes I will give a brief background as to understand where I have come from. I attended Texas A&M and graduated in May. I could go on with many anecdotes about my time there, but time for that blog has passed. I apologize to all who do not understand Texas A&M University and her traditions and quirks, but knowing these when the time is appropriate will serve to better illuminate stories and situations. As of now I am currently working at an internship with a large regional bank waiting to begin law school in the city of Houston. I'm positive that more information will become apparent through subsequent posts, but that is all the information that is needed to get the party started.