Monday, January 21, 2008

A Texan in the Northeast

I hope all of you faithful readers had a wonderful Christmas Break. My break consisted of binge drinking, alcohol, thinking about re-hab, then doing it all over again.

Seriously, I only had 4 days out of the entire break where I did not wake up hung over or having slept for less than 4 hours. However, this was on purpose. I was training. I trained for visiting D.C. and New York. Thats right my friends. This Texan was in the Northeast.

I will start off by saying that D.C. is not in the Northeast, but the northern most outpost of the South. Of course some of the culture is very different, but the overall feeling of the place was not unlike the South. It was here I waited at the steps of the SCOTUS from 5:15am to 10am just to sit and listen to oral argument about the Constitutionality of Lethal Injections. We watched for an hour then it was over. As a law student or any other legal observer, this is a must to do. It is a sanctuary. The rest of the stories consist of visiting all the highlights of D.C. and me getting so trashed I slammed my face into a door frame and gave myself a black eye...but just a small one. I will not elaborate on D.C. because it is much of the same experience you have when visiting any other big city in the South. It kinda reminded me of Dallas a little bit. Needless to say, I love D.C.

Once D.C. was terrorized enough we headed to New York by train.

New York did not hold the same appeal for me as D.C. at first blush, but now thinking about it I like New York just as much. We pulled into Penn Station and grabbed a cab. One of my best friends had been drinking on the train for the last 4 hours. He speaks with more of a country accent than I do and when he gets drunk he really gets going. ANYWAY, we are in the cab pull out and head straight for Times Square. Before we even get there, we smack into traffic. New York traffic...Slow...pissed off traffic. People are running between cars, honks serenade the sunless sky, my friend finally lifts his head to look at the mass of humanity and from his throat he yells the comment that almost assuradly every 1st time visitor to New York thinks.

"It is Fucking Pandamonim down here, Jesus Christ"

As a Texan, I had to say what is expected, and at the time believed, "Too many people here, I could not live here." You can't see the sun (which did bother me actually). The sky is small. More on this later in the post.........

Without going into too much boring detail we stayed in Times Square. I looked at the Coke sign for about 4 hours. Times square sucks. It is real touristy, which I know I am as well, but nonetheless. My advice, see it to say you saw it then leave. Don't spend your time there.

We pub crawled from Times Square to the Upper West side. Now this I completely endorese and is a wonderful idea. One of your best friends will end up past out in the bathtub of some Upper Westside apartment.

Go on the Harbor tour, obviously on a boat. Take pictures.

Try and get on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. That will change the way you look at stocks for the rest of your life.

Make last call at 4am. For visitors, you will raise your arms in Triumph. Now I have to be honest about this whole, 4am thing. People in New York drink differently then us Texans. For one we start drinking at 7 or 8 at dinner. They don't start till about 10 or 11. That right there almost makes up for the hours difference. Texans sprint New Yorkers run marathons. Though I was conditioned, we went head to head with some New Yorkers on drinking. Playing by their rules but drinking at a Texans pace (Or at least our pace) we drank them completely under the table. Not that Im bragging, but know that a 4am last call changes much of the style of drinking you are practicing.

Also, there is not a pretty girl there to save your life. Talk about woof. Nah, im being a bit harsh, but seriously, even at 4am I could not find a girl that I would say...Damn she is hot. Im an equal opportunity guy as well. Though I realize Im not attracted to ALL kinds of women, I know when someone who is different either by ethnicity or race is pretty. Still to no avail. The prettiest girls at the bar were the Texans that live in New York who we were already with!

Go to the Met after having stayed in bed till 5pm. It is an incredible mix of culture there, which is why I loved it.

Go to McSorelys Old Ale House and order dark.... You only have two choices Light or Dark...Dark is better.

Take a Yager Bomb in the Village.

Pre-Party in SoHo.

Eat in Little Italy. Just pick the one that doesn't look commercial.

Eat Mexican Food in New York and realize that you should not have done so. Im thinking about sending the city some chili powder. I don't know if the city has any.

See Central Park.

Visit the Upper Eastside

See Chinatown

See Canal street.

Eat pizza at 5am.

Drink coffee, alot of it.

Enjoy the cab rides

Be stupid on the subways.

Be nice to everyone in which there is any opporunity to have a conversation with. New Yorkers I did not find are mean at all. Granted you can't say hi to everybody or anybody that bumps into you, but if you take the time to talk to someone chances are they are going to be nice. I thought New Yorkers and Texans are alot alike if not for only 1 way but a big way. What we do and how we do it is right, and everybody else has it wrong. Also, they are as proud they live in "The City" as Texans are proud that they live in "The State". Let them teach you how they do it, and they will be more than happy to show you around. They will take care of you just as if some New Yorker sheepsihly came up to you at Gruene Hall and asked what they are supposed to be doing. You would smile and buy them a shiner bock.

New York is a fungus that attaches to your foot and spreads to your knees. At first you hate it. It is a stench, is irritating, and bothers you from the second you wake up to the second you pass out. Then you pick up the pace. This fugus is making you walk faster and jump subways faster. This fugus directs you which doors to dive into off the busy street to find a chill bar or coffee shop. This fungus makes the city smaller and people nicer. In other words, New York grows on you. Then, for the love of god, while walking/running from the Upper Westside in the rain to the Lincoln Center subway station, by yourself at 6 :30am, having just bought a coffee, paper, and a bagel for about 3 bucks you realize in terror what the fuck just happend.

You fell in love with New York.


Blogger Exiled said...

You have the unique ability to make any city, whether it be Bandera or New York, sound like paradise.

5:10 PM  
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