Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Blood, Bleeding, and Envy

Yesterday at the office M.D. Anderson was conducting a blood drive. Upon arriving to work at 8:13 I realized that this was a fantastic event! I mean how could M.D. Anderson know that I would be bored all day, and that giving blood would take up a solid 30 minutes of my otherwise unproductive mundane day? Give the gift of Life? Your damn straight they have given me a reason to live one more day!

So I retreat to my table and devise a way to get the maximum time out of giving blood. I scheme and I scheme and come to the conclusion that 3:30 would be the best time to give blood as to make my day go by quicker. I would describe this process to you, but it was complicated and time consuming, so just know 3:30 from now on is the best time to give blood. So I walk in this chilly room with people I know arent doctors wearing scrubs extracting fluid from people. At this I am not detured, I am actually hopeful that they do jack up and I get to take a day off work to replinish red blood cells. I go through the questionaire that I always find humours. "Have you had sex with somebody from Africa?" "Have you been to Africa" WHAT?! You mean to tell me that going to a continent is just as dangerous as having sex with an individual from that place? WOW that is serious! What is the next question going to be. Have you ever talked to a person from Africa? Have you ever looked at a person from Africa? Have you ever watched the Discovery Channel and SEEN a person from Africa? (Yes, I realize Africa has an AIDS problem and I have sympothay to the cause, so please don't make a comment saying that I am an ignorant a**hole)

In any event, I have not had sex with or have gone to Africa. So I was in. I had made the cut!
They strap me down to a chair and I roll up my sleeve. Soon after I was underway, exchanging a pint of my bodily fluid to escape 30 minutes of work. I looked to my right and I saw a women finishing up her donation. Once she got got up, she quickly fainted back down in the chair. Of course I was concerned for her health and that she was ok which she was, but I was also concerned that these doc wanna be's didn't trip over my bag and spray blood all over the place. Then I went green with envy. People were rushing over with blankets, apple juice, sprite, orange juice, and chocolate chip cookes to her chair side. Chocolate Chip cookies! A gift from the gods! She said she only needed a moment, but began to compile the tasty prizes. My blood bag was getting full, and they took out the needle, wrapped me up, and told me I could go. I got up quickly as to also induce passing out, but I had never felt better. I went back to my table hoping i may feel woosey and that there was a delay in the feeling. There wasen't. I walked back to the room an hour later to check on women, and she was just getting up and walking to the door. It was 4:45pm. She killed an hour and 15 minutes with that little stunt.

I was jealous, and I went home at 4:58 that day to show them that I was mad


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