1L's at Firm Receptions

Dear 1L,
Congratualtions on kicking ass your first semester and being invited to your first firm recpetion. Yes, I know the booze there is free and the food is almost always pretty good. However; if you stand there and act like a douche bag one more time in front of the partners like a drunken monkey flinging poo, I will personally burn your house down. Yes, firm receptions are forced awkward moments when all you can do is smile and look at your watch. However, when a lawyer cracks a joke (or even un-intentionally) you should not laugh like a hyenia. The man is not Jerry Seinfeld. When partners start to look at me when you are saying or doing something stupid to see how I react or to see if I have any input to say with my eyes (yes we know the look), then we are going to have problems. So a little advice, watch SportsCenter for about 30 min before you come (to have some small talk), don't drink too much (this makes you even more retarded you slap happy prick), and for the love if you can't think of something intelligent to say and not beat the lawyers head in with banality (don't kiss their ass, they hate this) then shut up, look at your watch and pray it will be over soon.

Love,
Bootstraps and Lawyers.