Friday, January 19, 2007

How an Aggie Becomes a Longhorn

If you have read my posts by date you know know that I am a half-breed Aggie and Longhorn. But the question that is probably burning into your mind is how did I become this non-loyal son of a beetch that you read every few months.

Here is the story.

It began with the Red River Shoot Out. So many people hated Oklahoma that I too began to hate their little hillbilly asses. No teeth sister marrying retards. Because of this hostility I was rooting for Texas to beat Oklahoma. The first time I ever wanted Texas to beat Oklahoma since I became an Aggie. Texas won.

This was the beginning of the end.

A few weeks later I was at home watching Texas play Nebraska. They got behind and it was snowing in Lincoln. Then the walk on kicker came on and scored the winning field goal. For the first time since I had been an Aggie, I felt in my gut, in my chest, that I wanted Texas to win. Texas won.

The air had turned a bit chilly and I knew I was heading to Lubbock to see the Longhorns play the next week. I had a Carhart jacket which I loved but it looked very country and I needed something else that was a bit lighter. After shopping around for awhile I made possibly the best purchase of my life. I bought a North Face Denali Fleece. Yes you know it. Black and Grey. This is almost a standard issue at UT, but I didn't care. It was very warm when it was cold and cool when it got hotter.

The very next weekend I made the trip to Lubbock to see the Longhorns play the Raiders. I hate Tech. I want Tech to lose under any circumstance. So naturally I went for the Longhorns. They got behind 21 points, but i didn't worry. The longhorns would pull it out. In the first quarter students began to tear up their own bleachers. Texas Won.

This next point is probably the biggest of them all. So I went to College Station for ESPN Gameday when they played Oklahoma. This is a big deal. At 3am a good buddy of mine hits my hand in a drunken high five and knocks my ring off my hand into the grassy front yard. Being drunk and dark we decided to look in the morning. Everyone got up early for gameday; however, I got up early and headed to Acadamy to buy a metal detector to aid my recovery of the ring. For 3 hours I looked for the damn thing. I had given up and called my friend to ascertain where the tailgate was and to have a beer open for me when I decided to swing the metal detector one last time. It was a miracle I found the thing and that it had not been pushed into the mud. The ring was just too big for me. I had lost weight. I put it in my glove compartment of my car retuned the metal detector Acadamey and went to the game. I have not worn the ring since.

The Aggies then came to Austin, where they then proceeded to beat the Longhorns at home. Though I wore Maroon and set in the A&M student section I would be lying if I wasen't a bit irritated that Texas lost to the Ags. Now granted I was more excited that the Aggies won, especially since all my friends were going NUTS, but hey, whatever.

Then finals hit, in which I did nothing but study for a month and a half. I didn't even get a hair cut.

So after getting drunk on 6th street before heading back to Houston the next day, I looked in the mirror.

I wore cowboy boots, low rise levis jeans, North Face Fleece, No Aggie Ring, Texas Hat, and that curley shag protruded out of it with a bit of scruff.

I then realized......... I'm a Longhorn.


Blogger Stilettos and Levis said...

Oh, Bootstraps, you have merly stratched the're metamorphosis actually had very little to do with football and Northface. Allow me to explain it to you...

The Longhorns were your first love. You never really get over your first love. It's what taught you how to fall in love and, it will always linger there in a deep dark corner of your heart. Though you fell in love with A&M and ultimately became an Aggie there was always burnt orange (darkness) in your heart.
(Ballet Slippers, every now and then)

10:37 AM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

That is one of the scariest things I've ever heard.

there was always [be](darkness) in your heart.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Stilettos and Levis said...

LOL! Oh, come on surely you picked up on the Star Wars reference. (And you think I'm lacking a sense of humor...honestly!)

9:16 PM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

I thought it was a Joseph Conrad reference.

Hmmm agree to disagree I guess

9:11 AM  
Blogger Stilettos and Levis said...

I love you but, you're an idiot!

6:39 PM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

I make a classic literary reference, and you make a Star Wars reference.

Really, who is the idiot?

9:09 AM  
Blogger Stilettos and Levis said...

You, you're the idiot! Why in God's name would I have been referring to Joseph Conrad? Especially when the large joke between us regarding the 2 schools has been Star Wars for about 5 years now! You're an idiot! Now please just accept this fact and move on...I don't have time to continue arguing with you...I have a job!

1:59 PM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

Stilettos and Levis, I don't know who you are other than Ms. Levis. This relationship you speak of must be between you and another incridible blogger.

As for Joseph Conrad I will refer you to a comment in another post saying that if becoming a longhorn meant losing your sense of humor then count me out.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Stilettos and Levis said...

Bootstraps, terribly sorry. I must have temporarily lost my mind. Well, I'll be honest with you...I love Jesus but, I drink a little. That may account for why I confused you with a dear friend of mine. Which would also explain why you did not understand my joke.

As for your sense of humor, I think we both know that it is intact and, Joseph Conrad well, you may be on to something there. Heart of Darkness may indeed be a good title for you. And while you are clearly having some difficulty grasping your transformation into a Longhorn, let me assure you, you are absolutely a Longhorn. Most definitely a lawyer.

8:57 PM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

Well, I can rest easy now knowing that Stilettos and Levis has dubbed me longhorn worthy. Wow, I had no idea such important people read my blog! The person that decides if you are a longhorn or not PERIOD is perusing my words of wisdom.

Just incredible.

7:13 AM  

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