Hazing...

Dear John Roberts,
You are about to get your ass so whipped by the current supremes it is just mind-boggling.

I've heard that they make you adminster justice with your pants off, and you have to pop 2 viagra before each hearing. There will be no half mast for you Chief Justice Roberts!

Then, you must lie in a coffin and watch 6 straight hours of the Ginsberg sex tape that has been circling the internet.

If you aren't dead at this point they will make you do a sixty second keg stand and prank call George W. to ask if his refridgerator is still running.

Also, on top of all that you have to take a nose dive from the bench to land between the supple cleavage of Anna Nicole Smith.

Once all this is accomplished you will learn the secret handshake, and upon your completetion of sitting in the Lincon Memorial on Abe's lap, naked, on acid, reciting the Restatement of Contracts, you will be finally initiated into the Supreme Court.

You will meet the ghost of John Marshall, and actually get to kiss the rotting corpse of Oliver Holmes, amazingly enough his white mustache is still there!

So congratualtions Chief Justice Roberts, you deserve it!

Sincerly,
Bootstraps