Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Dichatomy of Texas Students

Perhaps I should have been a sociology major because I constantly try and catogorize people and see how these groups react to each other. Hence why I find Texas A&M and UT a fastinating case study on how groups with similar upbringings change. In any event, I have tried to catorgorize Texas Students into catagories. Here are some I have come up with.

The Typical Frat Boy (yeah who didn't see this one coming)
Characteristics: A light brown Patagonia Fleece (some North Face depending on the frat) boat shoes and kakhi shorts. There hair is always a bit shaggy to long and their faces are always a bit round due to increased consumption of beer. You know what I am talking about? It is like that rim of baby fat that fills their cheeks and in their gut. Croakies..Effing Croakies enough said. You can easily spot these creatures in deep West Campus.

The Older Frat Boy
Characteristics: Seemed to have realized that Fat drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life (thanks Animial House). They have seemed to trade their boat shoes for boots looking more like the freshman frat boys, but instead of the standard issue Red Wings they have opted for a nice cowboy style boot. The shirts are typically long sleeve polo or oxford, but the hair still remains long and the cap typically is turned around backwards. They tend to only hang out with the frat for the parties and the plethora of sorority girls that always follow, but other than that have found their few good buddies and spend time drinking at Cain and Ables talking about when they will take over their dads company. Found in the career center and deep West Campus.

Freshman Frat Boy
Characteristics: Red Wing Boots and ratty jeans. They always wear a faded polo short sleeve or the blue blazer and kakhis. Tired, hungry and limping at weird times these creates are found cleaning and building at frat houses when not blindfoled and left for dead in some field.

Typical Sorority Chick.
Characteristics: Brunette hair that has been highlighted blonde so many times you would think her roots would know better by now. A windbreaker pullover with their sorority letters on the left side is the typical top with some sort of sweat pants or leggings for bottoms. Flip Flops. Jones Hart book purse thingy. It would seem these girls have been eating at the sorority house too much because there is always a layer of "softness" about them which comes from sorority house food and the "punch" at frat parties. Though these girls are somewhat cute you can't help but wonder what the hell happened. This is the darkest time for these chicks because before and after are much better. These creatures are found in the outskirts of West Campus closer to the drag.

Freshman Sorority Chick
Collar Bones. Just think Collar Boans when you see these anorexia inflicted track stars from high school. They haven't eaten in a month leading up to rush and have bought every new style of coach shoe on the planet leading up to this week of hell in the Texas Summer heat. Though their stomachs may be flat, so is their chest with sunk in cheecks and elbows that can cut though brick. These young fawns can be spotted purging themselves behing Hardin House.

The Older Sorority Chick
Characteristics: At the end of the typical sorority girl phase there are two roads the women must travel. 1) Continue on the road of self-defication and be that drunk girl that has had one too many beers over the course of 4 or 5 years but is really nice to make up for the fact that they are fat or 2) lose the weight as to attract the Older Fraturnity guys and Professionals so as to not have to use her college degree a day in her life other than organizing a fundraiser for the PTA. Often times sorority girls choose the latter and become everything a barbie girl should be. Curves in right places and a more natural hair color tend to make these girls quite attractive and the reason they call them "Texas Sorority Girls." The trouble is finding these goddesses of West Campus. Because they are more interest in furthering their social career beyond that of the KA house, they tend to hang out on 4th street sipping martinis and gin and in professional penthouses. If not there, then with the professional or older fraturnity guy talking big plans of marriage and that bitch who is not invited to the wedding because while purging herself her freshman year threw up on Older Sorirty Chicks' shoe.

Non-Sorority Female, but looks like they should have been
Characteristcs: Typically very nice people that put themselves together but not enough as to look like they are competeing with their sorority girl counter part. Hair color is natural and can range from fat to skinny. They come in all kinds. They wear North face backpacks on their back and dont feel ashamed of wearing a cap to class. Usually alot of fun to hang out with. Can be found on 6th and a few frat parties that they were invited too when some guy they knew from high school saw them in class one day.

Non-Fraturnity Male.
Characteristics: Burnt Orange Sweatshirt and some type of sandle that is not Burkenstock (SP i know). Saggy jeans and an occasional chain around their waist or hanging from their pocket. It would seem there are less males not in fraturnities then females not in sororities. Either that or you are in a fraturnity or you look like this. Tend to smoke alot of dope and can easily tell. As opposed to the fraturnity counter part who hides it. These specimens can be found on Red River and in South Mall.

There is no difference between male and female hippies. They all look dirty with long smelly hair and some sort of stocking on their calves. Piercings tend to cover the ears and lips with some in other unmentionalble places. If you can find one not high you have found a 4 leaf clover. If you find one not on something harder than dope you have found 100 dollars on the street. Drug use runs rampant with this type of student if they ever were or are a student. It is hard to tell. Found in the Co-Ops and around Kirby Lane's on the drag

Characteristics: Again no difference between male and female. Hair is black which is either really short or long with a piercing in at least one ackward place on their face. Wear some sort of black sweatshirt type thingy with some homeade patch stitched on the back. Black lipstick and pale skin rounds off these heros of the heroin.

The Foreginer:
Characteristics: Always lost and frazzled. Wears Tivas and a t-shirt with cargo kakhis. They tend to be engineers and attend UT because A&M is the white racist school (which is not true). They tend to run in packs of 5 or more and always have 1 to 2 girls for every group of 5. 2 of which will also wear glasses. They also have a nervous walk to them. Found in Hyde park, walking into traffic off Dean Keeton near the walkway, and in Mai's Noodles.

The Well Adjusted Foreginer.
Characteristics: Have a much more confident put together walk about them. Don't run in packs and know how to party. For some odd reason they never carry backpacks but are always in class taking notes. When class is over, it all dissapears and they walk confidently out of the classroom. Astonishing. These people can be found in Dobie Mall and south west campus.

Grad Students: A mix and match of all of the above without any type of confident walk whatsoever. They stumble intermittently amongst the undergrads with the look of why the hell am I still in school upon their face. After call they tend to travel in packs with their pocket protectors gleaming in the sunlight.

Law Students: Again a mix match of all the above, but with a confident look about them espeicially when they are interviewing in suits. This however does change later in the semster when finals hit where they become scared frazzled little beings that hide from sunlight and growl and nosey undergrads. They stay in a tucked away portion of campus away from undergrads in the northeast part of campus and seen quite frequently before during and after class at Crown and Anchor or Possey East. Their habitat is North Campus if not the library. Can also be found drinking in the early part of the semester of 4th and sometimes 6th. They have to get a piece of those Older Sorority Chicks.

If I find any more I will add them.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the love of God and your time I hope you found these descriptions somewhere besides your head. When I graduated law school students studied law. I would have thought it the same at Texas.

12:43 PM  
Blogger BootStraps said...

Law School has not changed much, in the beginning of the semester much time is to be had by the student. That post was a way of telling myself, hey why not stay at home and write something not all that funny instead of drinking your brain cells into submission.

To make it legal related I can say what torts or freedoms they are committing and/or enjoying.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

finally you are understanding a little more about why i love my major so much. as for this other anonymous person, what in the world did you do to make them hate you so much?

3:37 PM  

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